Last!

Last year I entered the Boston Marathon. The race started

and immediately I was the last of the runners.

It was embarrassing.

The guy who was in front of me, second to last, began making

fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"

I replied: "You really want to know?"

So I dropped out of the race.

There!

No Fourth of July Recess for Senate
When some misbehave, whole class suffers.
 

Outdoorsman

 

This morning I waded across a raging river, escaped from a bear in

the woods, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison

ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and climbed up an enormous tree!

 

My friend said, " You must be some outdoorsman!"

 

"No," I replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."

Did Sarah Palin Get a Boob Job?

The Internets are abuzz with speculation over whether Sarah Palin got breast implants.

Compare the above photos of Palin from 2009 (left) and 2008 (center) to the photo at right of Palin at the Belmont Stakes horse race last weekend and judge for yourself.

The peanut gallery is having fun probing this all-important issue:

"She should have started with a brain implant." —commenter Lib2DaBone on Democratic Underground

"I can see Palin's rack from my house!" —AtlasShrugged on Digg

"Nothing says 'just another average American gal' like plastic surgery and racehorse ownership." —Joehoya on Wonkette

"Take it from a chick, man. FAKE! And the boobs are as well." —Freakishlystrong on Wonkette

"Isn't a better question: IS Sarah Palin a boob job?" —The-Brain On Fark

"All she then needs is an 'I wish these were brains' t-shirt." —Damnyooneek on Digg

Did Sarah Palin get new boobs? "No, I'm pretty sure she still has the same followers." —Sobeditor on Twitter

David Letterman's "Top Ten Things Overheard At Rush Limbaugh's Wedding"

10. "Is this my fourth or fifth wedding?"
9. "Mrs. Palin, please, enough with the celebratory gunfire"
8. "Do you take this woman to be your future ex-wife?"
7. "Oh crap. I'm sitting next to Bill O'Reilly"
6. "They have a tent in case it rains. No wait, those are Rush's pants"
5. "Oh crap. I'm sitting next to Sean Hannity"
4. "I missed the bridal bouquet, but I hope to catch the prenup"
3. "Oh crap. I'm sitting next to Ann Coulter"
2. "It's ironic that a guy named 'Rush' takes 20 minutes to walk down the aisle"
1. "Did he just eat the whole cake?"